As I wrote last Friday, it was a banner day. All the lights went on and I feel like I am home! A new woman! This is that feeling I have been chasing after, dreaming of, wishing for most of my life. It’s hard to explain it but you certainly can see it on my face. I can see it in the mirror. It is the feeling that used to be there for just a fleeting moment when the scale said it was okay or when somebody else said it was okay. Friday, I said it was okay and it was based on me and who I am at this moment!
Lana Turner once said, “I’ve never known what it is I was suppose to have had. All I do know is that sex appeal isn’t make believe. It’s not the way you look or the way you walk or the way you smile, it’s the way you are!” That’s how I feel. It started Friday, ran all through the weekend, and yes! Monday morning it is still here, loud and clear. The light is burning bright.
A couple of months ago, I wrote Does the Spirit Move You? In it, it referred to a poem, A Hole in the Sidewalk. Last Friday started out with my Wii Fit Body test. If you have been following my blog for awhile, you can remember how excited I was about my Wii. However, the morning weight and BMI check usually brought about disappointment and Oh Whatever! My excitement seemed to fade but I followed through anyway. Friday, I was glad I did. I have had my Wii for 23 weeks. That’s almost 6 months. I looked back at the graph and my weight has been within the same 5 lb range for that entire time. For a quick second, the negativity started to enter my thoughts. That is when the light came on. WOW! Look at what you have done. You have walked down a different street. You didn’t fall in the hole because the scale didn’t move. You didn’t fall in the hole because your clothes size is the same. You are walking on the healthy side of the street. You are adopting a healthier lifestyle and you are improving every day.
How many of the women readers have said, I just want someone to love me for who I am? But do you, yes you, truly love yourself for who you are. And I mean all of you. Not just your personality. Can you truly acknowledge the wonder and beauty and miracle of what your body does every single day. I am appreciating the little things that my body does instead of what it looks like or what the scale tells me. I am paying attention and in the moment. What first drew my attention this time is my fingernails. Yes, I know sounds silly. But let me explain. I have bitten my fingernails since I was about 4 years old. My parents use to put Tobasco sauce on my fingers to try to get me to stop. For years and years, I longed for long fingernails that I could paint. My Mom always had the most gorgeous fingernails. For years, as an adult, I would pay to have fake nails put on. It made me feel feminine and pretty. I tried every way possible to have those gorgeous fingernails. More than dieting, as a matter of fact. Well, as you can probably guess, I have fingernails, now. And they are just as gorgeous as my Mom’s. What changed? My body. Believe it or not, since I started taking the Vitamin D and the Calcium, I no longer have the urge or desire to bite my fingernails. Someone told me when I was first diagnosed with the Vitamin D deficiency that they had read somewhere that if your child bites their nails, to have their Vitamin D checked. That is just one of the things that woke me up to just how much I don’t know about my body. How can I feed it properly if I don’t truly understand how it works. I have ALWAYS taken my body for granted and actually just tossed it aside. Ignored it or hated it and just expected it to work. Then something would happen, I would get mad, decide to make a few changes and then when it didn’t respond the way I wanted it to or as fast as I wanted it to, I would GIVE UP!
Life is not a race. I can run, run, run, go, go, go, and still be at square one. Slowing down and APPRECIATING what my body can do gives me the motivation and the drive to go the distance. Like the tortoise and the hare, perhaps…. Steady goes it. The scale may not have moved much in the past 6 months but I certainly have……..What about you? Are you taking this journey as a tortoise or a hare? Are you still running the race on the same street and falling in the hole in the sidewalk? I will share more of my tortoise steps to becoming whole throughout the week but for now……………….ENJOY the moment!