When did it Change?

As I wrote my morning pages today (A religious morning practice); I saw that I was questioning, “When did it change?”  My thoughts were all over the pages today but that is what gave me my answers.  It doesn’t matter when or how it changed, it is the fact that it is different.

I thought for so, so many years that I had to lose weight for my life to change.  I see now, just how much I had it backwards.  I had to change my life to lose weight!  That is my journey.  The process of changing my life.  It’s not about this diet or that diet.   It doesn’t matter how many minutes or hours I spent at the gym.

This is not for everyone, but it is certainly working for me.  My mantra, my goal if you will, for 2010 is “I Live!” I have looked at many things that have held me back over the years and it all boiled down to one thing.  ME!

Case in point:

Last night, I saw all these tweets about the show “Huge” and thought boy I really want to see that.  But, I didn’t watch the show, and actually, I am glad I didn’t.  WHY?  Because I played with my daughter on the Wii, instead.  We did the hoola hoop game, we did the free run (and ended up running throughout the house instead of just in front of the TV), we golfed, and we flew like chickens.

Or on Sunday, we had a family get together for my Mom’s birthday.  Mom wanted ham and potato salad.  I was in charge of the side dishes. I created my own potato salad.  The gal that has been teased most of her adult life, that she couldn’t cook.  It was simple, so simple.  You can see how I did it here. I brought asparagus too.  Mom wanted sauce on them.  I prepared it for as she requested.  But what was different?  I served it on the side!  I found the middle ground.

I have heard it over and over and over again, it isn’t the goal, but how you get there.  That is the most important lesson for me.  The goal is to lose weight and be healthier.  So many years, I spent focused on the numbers.  The scale, the calories.  It kept me in a box.  When I stepped out of my fears and my defensiveness, the numbers are losing their power.  It is okay to admit, I DON’T KNOW!

All those years being told I couldn’t cook, all those years I lived up to that expectation….it wasn’t that I couldn’t cook…it was that I didn’t care AND I didn’t know about ALL the different ways….I only knew what I was use to and I was afraid to try.  Same with exercise.  I didn’t care about my body AND I didn’t know ALL the different ways.

That is what keeps me motivated and excited.  The exploration of new things that have NOTHING to do with the numbers, but…still can change them..  What about you?  What new thing can you try today?  or tomorrow? or next week? to make this not a chore but an enjoyable part of life….Tell me, Tell me, please!