It’s Confusing!

What do you do when you get confused or overwhelmed?  What is your reaction to it?  Do you get angry?  Do you turn that anger inward on yourself? Do you justify your choices? Do you blame others?

Bottom line: If you have weight issues, that are NOT a medical issue, than it is an emotional issue. PERIOD!  I know there are many who will disagree with me but that is human behavior.  We have emotions.  They get connected to people, places, and things.

Often times for me, and I am sure many of you, losing weight can feel like you are losing some old friends.  Well, you just might be.  That is a pattern I can now recognize.  Some call it self-sabotage, some call it cheating, and some say : This is just who I am.

This is a complicated journey.  Often we “crave” support, like mindedness, a sense of belonging. We make up challenges and competitions to be part of.  We proclaim we are individuals, and people who don’t like that…well….they are not like us.  We move on..We say we support, we encourage, we “love” what they have to say.  But is that only for the fleeting moment.

Everyone, yes everyone, has their own agenda.  Yes, even I have my own agenda.  It is often said, “We are only as sick as our secrets.” If you have been struggling with body image or self-esteem, for any length of time, you will find this is so true.”

Secrets ruled my life for the greater part of it.  I tell people I am an open book.  I am.  The problem is that you have to take time to read the story.  I’m not a magazine article or a short story. I am a complicated, twisted plot, full blown novel.

I believe in a concept of no harm to others. I am a kind, generous, BIG hearted, loyal, and forgiving person who is learning to be that way with myself.    I am learning to trust that what those close to me, truly close to me, tell me about myself, must be true.

The absolute bottom line for me, which means the success in MY day to day life, is to believe!  Not in how others treat me, not in what others say or do to me, but it boils down to what I tell myself and what I do for me.

That’s the confusing part.  Trying to find support, trying to find others who will love me for who I am, not the weight, I got into this journey thinking everyone felt the same.  I was wrong.  I didn’t know what I didn’t know.  Again, each person has their own agenda.  Each person has their complicated story of how they got here.  I read your stories.  I go back and read older posts. I LOVE those just starting out.  It is real.  It reminds me of my own agenda to overcome those exact feelings!

To remember, while I want to encourage and support others through my own example, it may not be the examples they are looking for.  Just like the scale, the number of interactions, do NOT measure my journey.  It is the quality and the little things I do each and every time, I write and I share, that fulfills my purpose and my agenda.  That is a hard, hard lesson when you care about people.

The BEST part of my journey to date, is the spirit of people.  Actions show that spirit.  And how much I have learned about myself and stepping out of my self-imposed, isolation: the secrets that I often rebelled against.  Over half the chapters in my story are how for so many years, too many, I spent my money or pieces of me to get support.  (But that is a whole different post)  I am learning I have to support myself. I am the ONLY one there when the choice has to be made.  But, that does not mean, I have to do it alone.  There are people out there who give away their sound advice for free.  But sometimes, you just have to ask and get to know them a little better.   Life is a give and accept.

Today, I embrace my life….all of it…I LOVE who I am starting to show to the world.  I honestly believe in ME and all that I can accomplish.  One day, One post, One choice at a time!