As I mentioned yesterday, anger is considered a secondary emotion. All that means is that there is an emotion underneath it and the anger is the reaction to that emotion. Typically, it is frustration, hurt, and FEAR. Anger is powerful and it can protect you from being vulnerable. THAT is why it shows you where your boundaries need to be. It is a needed response, but we are often not taught how to comfortably express our anger.
It is a split-second reaction. Personally, I think that anyone who has trouble with emotional eating, eating disorders, and binges should seriously consider taking an anger management class. I have found for myself that typically my past emotional eating occurred when I was looking for something to take those *feelings* away. That natural rise in the blood pressure, the quick breathing, the heart pounding, fight or flight, anxiety body response. For me, it often paralyzed me. That overwhelming thing, that I had NO IDEA, how to handle or how to express it.
The picture today is one of my own drawings. (Salina, you finally got your wish 
You see, several years ago, I was a group facilitator for domestic violence – anger management groups. The clients in these groups were either men or women who were court ordered to attend classes for a year. After hearing all the stories, the toxicity of the relationships, the frustration, the loneliness, the love, yes, love but the common denominators 9 times out of 10 is lack of self-esteem, not knowing how to set appropriate boundaries, and alcohol or drugs. The CO – dependency on something OTHER than ourselves to feel good or to feel bad. Typically or person or a substance.
Anger management is actually where Big Puppy and I met. Yep! I told you its an interesting story. Big Puppy heard that a *girl* was running the men’s groups and said…NO, that can’t work and applied for the job. He is a James Dean type of guy, with the biggest heart, and *genuine* characteristics. That is what makes him the Big Puppy. (This is also why, I often use Marilyn Monroe and James Dean pics to portray relationships)
So, how does this apply to weight loss? Because the anger and how we deal with it, is an important part of self-care. Take just a moment and look at your big fears? Look at what sends you toward emotional eating. Truly, what sets off a binge? What feeling is underneath the eating? What scares you? I was scared of letting anyone in too close because I didn’t TRUST myself to set appropriate boundaries. I knew how to make walls. I knew how to give of myself to my own detriment. I was SO afraid of the anger (which I saw growing up meant violence) that I tried to keep the peace AT ALL costs..all costs to MYSELF. And then, when those feelings inside started to overwhelm me…Frustration, Hurt, and FEAR, and NOT knowing what to do with them, I ran to what always made it go away….FOOD!
My biggest fear was that I would let ME down. A fear that the one person I always believed I could count on….would let me down. Not a fear of success or failure, but a fear of taking action! A fear of *feeling* and NOT knowing what would happen.
That is why this dieting thing becomes such a yo-yo, roller coaster game. It is an uphill climb. It takes ACTIONS.
The 4 parts to anger management are
1. Understanding Ourselves
2. Stress management
3. Keeping it Real
4. Communication
THAT is some of the reasons, I blog. My stress management. I read blogs to help to understand myself. I write to keep it real AND to manage my stress…and well the writing AND the reading build my communication. My communication with myself, the angry things I say and do to me…under a veil of *stinkin thinkin*
The other thing, that helps me, is casting wishes on Wednesdays. I discovered this when I first got into blogging. Jamie Ridler over at Jamie Ridler Studios, gives a wish prompt every week. It prompts me to take care of myself. It has helped me tremendously to go with the moment and set some good intentions that are just for me. It has this magic quality of giving me what I need, whether I think I need it or not. AND its FUN! It’s a play date of sorts. AND most of all, it keeps me REAL.
Today, the wish prompt is What do you wish for less of? I wish for a little less anger at my body and a LOT more action of Body Love!
A little less acale and a LOT more attitude!
and.. I leave you with this quote:
Thinking will NOT overcome fear but action will…..W. Clement Stone
Let yourself go today… Make a wish. Set an intention. What do you wish for less of?
As you wish so I wish for you!
As you wish for yourself, i wish for you also!
I’ve heard it said that there are only two reasons for why we feel or do anything, once it’s broken down to the least common demoninator: Fear and Love. As someone who comes from a long line of ‘angry’ people, I could totally nod my head in agreement with you
Getting rid of the fear got rid of about 90% of the anger!
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well!
Your drawing is amazing! Thank you for sharing that. I think I feel more anger at myself than at anyone else. Hmmm.
As you wish for yourself, Jules, I too wish this for you
I hear that completely. Been dealing with both anger and weight for years too.
Gratis for sharing your art and words of wisdom. Much to think about from this article.
Amazing post, Jules! I, too, cover my anger with emotions..in my case it’s usually depression. Thank you for the reminder to deal with what’s really going on instead of sweeping it under the rug.
Big hugs..
Wonderful post and beautiful drawing. Thank you for sharing both. As Jules wishes for herself, I wish for her as well.
as you wish for yourself, i wish for you also.
How powerful
As Jules wishes for herself, so I wish for her as well.
Very interesting post.. makes ya think & I am sure many can relate.
The interesting ting about me is I have been able to lose weight, keep it off & improve without “correcting myself & my own issues”. Many have to heal the brain/mental stuff first. I think it is because I feel good when I work out & it is something I excel at, if you can call working out a “thing to excel at”.
As for letting myself down, yes, I fear that but even as much, letting others down. Expectations loom heavy on me.
Jules, thx for sharing the pic.. amazing & the Big Puppy story!
As you wish for yourself, I too wish for you! Definitely good to have less anger not just at our bodies but in general!
As Jules wishes for herself, I wish for her also. I love your wish Its one of my monthly goals. Lets make these wishes happen.
For me, I wish for less self judgement and what-ifs.
For you, I wish for all your wishes to come true.
Love the drawing!
I’m so glad that I came across your blog. It’s good to see another person who finds it important to stay fit and healthy. I have lost over 125 lbs. myself and will be featured in the November 2010 issue of Shape magazine. This is VERY exciting for me! Anyway, my blog is located at http://www.LauraGetsFit.com if you’d like to check it out. I added your blog to follow, so feel free to follow mine as well. I look forward to reading more of your journey. Take care! <3 Laura
More body love… love it! As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also! ♥Tee
What a great post. Great info on anger management, too. Thank you!
As Jules wishes for herself, so I wish for her as well.
This is one of those post that is too profound for me to deal with and it get’s saved to my special “favorites folder” for future reference. You need to post more of your own artwork
As Jules wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
What a post full of truth Jules! As you wish – I wish too.
wow that’s one of your drawings??? MORE plese ;–)
Thanks for so much food for thought! As you wish for yourself…so I wish for you!
I didn’t get to comment yesterday as for some reason the whole page wouldn’t show up on my computer. Thanks for the insight & sharing your wonderful artwork.
As Jules wishes for herself, so I wish also.
You and W. Clemment are so totally right on!
“Anger is powerful and it can protect you from being vulnerable. THAT is why it shows you where your boundaries need to be.”
I wish for less control. The action? Of course, it’s drawing boundaries in the sand.
Your drawing is beautiful!
As Jules wishes for herself, so I wish for her as well.