This journey is tough and sometimes it can even hurt
One thing I have learned about myself (and continue to learn daily)
Is my weight and body issues boil down to SO MUCH more than
just the food and exercise.
My journey is more about health and wellness
in all facets of my life!
The biggee for me…..I am a full blown people pleaser!
YEP! That would be me.
But, here’s the deal. It holds me back from everything else in my life.
Putting everyone else first, living in the fear that others will not like me, others will leave me, or even others will be mad at me
Left me not liking myself, leaving myself, and even being mad at myself.
It is taking a long time to learn to clearly set boundaries where they are needed…
and they can appear to be wishy washy at times
because each and every moment of each and every day I have to convince myself of my own worth.
Boundaries are not walls but sometimes they have to be that way..not to push others out
but to hold tight to what we need to do
As I was told recently, recovering ourselves from people pleasing…well…it leaves people not pleased
and it can hurt emotionally standing up and standing strong for ourselves
because it may appear to be easier to just take it and use the food as a comfort for that hurt.
but I am still a kind, loving, person and I have to put myself toward the front of the line sometimes.
Taking food out of the equation makes it even more difficult. Damn hard at times.
But…because of knowing that I am worth it too…
I can no longer turn to the comfort of only saying YES to that tiny moment of feeling good,
to make it appear that the hurt and slights magically disappear with a cookie or chocolate.
Discovering my worth has shown me…slowly but surely….that self-care OFTEN hurts
but self-care isn’t just about feeling good…..self-care means doing the hard work
of laying a foundation for a life of worth and value to occupy space not avoid it.
Are you a people pleaser?
Sigh Yes! I struggle with this every single day!
Well put. Never realized to lately how I needed the approval of a certain group of people, only to be cast aside once too often. Meantime, what about me? The care of me, that is? Learning and appreciate your insights.
Yep, you nailed it (once again). I love the term ‘recovering ourselves’…. Here’s to the recovery of all of us people pleasers!!
I am a recovering people-pleaser
that self-care OFTEN hurts
but self-care isn’t just about feeling good…..self-care means doing the hard work
of laying a foundation for a life of worth and value to occupy space not avoid it.
So true Jules! I am like Karen – used to be so much more than now. I had to learn the boundaries!
Even though I don’t have too much problem with people pleasing, I can totally relate to what you said about self-care not being just about feeling good… well said!
I’m very definitely a people pleaser. I constantly try to be as little burden as possible on others, usually to the detriment of my own wants and needs….
Deb
As someone raised by a people pleaser this is a bit of a conflict for me. I’ve always gone out of my way to make sure someones day is better just because you never know who’s world you might change. And I appreciate myself for that more and more everyday because so few people are as empathetic as “People Pleasers” tend to be. ”
“Putting everyone else first, living in the fear that others will not like me, others will leave me, or even others will be mad at me”
The FEAR is what’s beating you, not the being a People Pleaser in my opinion. You’re so afraid to displease people, not because you’re a people pleaser, but because you do it avoid conflict. Embrace yourself and love who are and stop trying to change that. It’s who you are and who you always will be. I want you Love yourself so badly, but your fear prevents that. Go for you walks, Eat what you want, do whats best for YOU, you’re a person too. People please yourself without the fear of displeasing others because they are responsible for that, just as you are for yourself.
But please, Mom, Do not stop being a people pleaser. You bring smiles to so many peoples faces and so many people love you because you’re kind, funny, and compasionate by nature and there is Nothing bad about that.
I love you.
What a lovely response. Jules, you’ve obviously done a lot right to get this wonderful (fairly objective, in many ways) encouragement!
And No.1 son, I love the support and advice you are sharing.
(Almost makes me cry!)
xxx
My name is Carol, and I’m a recovering people pleaser. This post is so full of hard won wisdom and positive brilliance that I don’t know where to begin! So I will just say thank you for sending a message we overweight people pleasers need to hear.
If I don’t please myself first, take care of my own needs and wants first (which I was taught never to do!), I am abandoning myself. And when I abandon myself, I’m going to end up in front of the refrigerator sooner or later. I am discovering that the more I establish healthy boundaries and take care of myself, the easier it becomes.
I adore this post and can relate tremendously.
I have worked so hard my entire life not to have any needs (Enter stage right :Eating Disorder). Like you, my issues have lead me back around to abandoning, rejecting, shaming and hurting myself – emotionally, physically and mentally.
It has taken me YEARS to determine the function of healthy boundaries – those that facilitate growth and encourage emotional connection, but that also keep me focused on that which I can control, my reactions, behaviors, thoughts, feelings instead of trying to find that love and acceptance through the affirmation and adoration of others, society at large or just simply the status quo.
It’s so true what they say about attaching the oxygen mask first to ourselves. We are NO good to anyone else if we cannot show up for life, for ourselves, be whole and self-loving. Thank you so much for htis reminder and your loving kind words.