Finding Out Who You Are

Months ago, I wrote Like Tree Roots.   Little did I know at that time, I would be traveling and discovering so many things about myself and my roots. From that post came this

 Looking at the exposed roots, one by one, slowly brings to life the beauty within.  The miles and miles and miles of a snake-like timeline becomes a picture perfect moment highlighted by the twinkle of sunlight intermixed with the shadows.  It creates a unique, individual and awesomely beautiful picture.  The spotlight moves slowly to re-create the buried darkness of those roots into a beautiful master piece.   A beauty only found when the roots are exposed yet still sustain the life to produce that peaceful place to just be in the moment.

 

My trip was life altering for me.  Stories will fill posts over the coming weeks but finding out who I am beneath the fears, shame, and myths built up over the years is the greatest reward of my trip.  Often spoken is the use of food for filling a hungry void within.  Seeing my food changes and choices, first hand, reinforced my belief in myself. I enjoyed my meals and indulged some food memories.  No denying myself.

I did not track food, count calories, diet or workout, yet I came home a few pounds lighter by a scale measurement and inches smaller by clothes measurement. I came home happy to be me!

One of the biggest fears, that was perpetuated by many posts I read over the years, around the weight loss blogging realm, was the airport and what judgements would I have to face.  Sad to admit but I stressed myself about fitting into a seat and would I be embarrassed at the airport counter.  To my shame, I ran around measuring chair widths and if there was any spillover to prepare myself.  Crazy, YES, but real, all the same. Only on one plane did I ask for a seat belt extender.  That was on the newest plane of the total six planes I flew on.

Many, many fears were faced, emotions felt, and yet I never had the urge to turn to food for solace or comfort.

My trip started out Making Memories in Michigan, sending me on a discovery of traveling in the moment, following the circumstances that presented themselves and finishing with a healing in my heart that I only thought I could wish for.  (But more on that in a couple of days). The exposure of the roots that produced a peaceful place within the moment.

Yesterday, I signed the Declaration of Independence from dieting posted on a Weight Lifted.  That signature for me was a true, heartfelt, belief in myself commitment that begins my new life.  The symbolism behind that signature and declaration is so power-filled for me.  For years, the 4th of July, was symbolic of my independence.  My divorce from my first husband was final on that day.  That divorce, bittersweet as it was at that time, was only a half-hearted declaration to learn to take care of me.  Also, symbolic of the signature, is the family roots discoveries that were made during my trip.  My ancestry and genealogy has roots of significant roles in our original independence making and those that stood up for what this country was to be and the freedom they sought.

So, today continues on with a freedom, pride, and love for who I am!

What fears and myths do you think you can start to declare freedom from?

 

Comments

  1. For all that are interested or were wondering where they can purchase a seat belt extender they can take a look over at

    http://www.airplaneseatbeltextender.net

    I came across it a few days ago and it has some nice information about flying safely and fair prices.

    Good luck. :)

  2. There is a new peace and serenity in your writing, Jules, that soothes me as I read. Your trip home has obviously been a very powerful and healing experience for you. I’m so glad.

    What an interesting coincidence that I left my marriage on the 4th of July — the same day your divorce became final. This year on the 4th of July, I didn’t declare independence from dieting, although perhaps in a way I did. I made the decision to go “all-in” when it comes to my health and living a healthy lifestyle.

    All-in doesn’t mean dieting and chasing perfection and all the other usual ways I have approached this area of my life in the past. It means slowly but surely learning to prioritize my physical well-being in the choices I make and how I spend my time, money, and energy. I suspect it also means prioritizing my emotional and spiritual well-being too. In a way I can’t quite put into words (at least not yet), my all-in project feels like a journey back home to myself. I can only hope I discover the same peace and freedom and pride that you found on your journey back home.

  3. Jules, I’ve also survived the airplane seat panic in recent months. I can’t wait to hear more about your trip..

    As for me… I need to declare independence from a lot of my negative thinking – including my perfectionist streak and my black/white attitude!

    Deb

  4. I really love the awareness that has been shining through in your recent posts. I, too, signed the GMFR Declaration, and have been finding myself free from all sorts of other things lately, like the need to judge a certain member of my family and worry about whether or not I am doing a good job in taking care of my grandmother and her affairs.

    P.S. I am REALLY sorry we weren’t able to meet. As flexible as my schedule usually is, that week I only had that one Monday open. :-(

  5. Sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Can’t wait to hear more. Sparklers buring in truibute at your signing the declaration of independence from dieting.

  6. First, a most interesting blog and next, a very good question to meditate upon. I have noticed my anxiety levels have been up lately and hence, my stress eating has risen. Free myself. Will go forth with your words of wisdom today.