FOLLOW YOUR HEART
I don’t know where it came from really. I had a “sense” early on in my life to follow my heart. Whether that was from my artistic self or just another means to escape the reality of physicality, I took on “following my heart” like Dorothy took to “following the yellow brick road”. If I followed it right, I would receive all the “good” things. Success, money, love, admiration, and it wouldn’t matter what I looked like.
So back to my foreign language lessons.
Each day, I packed, poured myself into craigslist house hunting, applied for rentals, looked at rentals, and feared the highly competitive market, based solely on 5 minute tours, and a life listed on a small application. Oh…another comparison market. As the days passed, and I stared at the mounting pile of my life in the form of cardboard, my heart kept telling me all would be well. Relax and trust what is in store for you, right around the corner.
And the argument grew louder…push.push.push.every waking moment consumed with packing, looking, applying, stress.stress.stress, decision.decision.decision.no rest.push.push.push a little more. do more.your not doing enough. your missing something. find the answer.
Long story shorter…..2 1/2 weeks before our deadline, when we just got the now common, I’m sorry but we chose someone else from our last 2 hopes (in one day), I fell apart. I cried. I felt hopeless and tired. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I feared being homeless.
The next day, friends and family reassuringly reminded me, to be patient, trust that the “perfect” place is manifesting for you. My mantra that day Relax.Trust.Believe. Pull in all your past resources and do some stress management……Just breathe and focus on something else for a day.
Low and behold, on Sunday (the next day) the miracle ball started rolling. The universe gave me what I needed, even when I didn’t know it was what I needed. It was not a place I would have envisioned for myself on any vision board or visualization practice, it was the “something better” that I always end my affirmations and visualizations with.
All the synchronicity pieces lined up and within a week, we signed the lease and started moving.
In our community, or genre if you will, you hear a lot about intuitive eating and/or exercising. Over all the years of blogging and interacting within this community, confusion and questioning raises its fierce head of what to do to achieve that number on the scale or fit into a definition of health and weight parameters. The health – weight loss arena is about rules and following them. Follow this diet or that diet or this way of eating or that way of eating. Follow this exercise plan or that exercise plan or this “program”. We are searching for someone to give us answers because nothing has worked in the past. We think we don’t know and we can’t trust ourselves so we turn to others who are successful and follow their hearts and passions. We pay big money for those answers. We share our success and loss with every breath and post we can. During my time training virtually with Roy, I learned my most inspiring lessons. He often said, “You don’t need a trainer, you need a cheerleader!” As I mulled that over for weeks, I realized all the money I had easily handed over for someone or something to cheer me on, to be in my corner, and to help me “find” the real me. Perhaps that is what most of us are truly looking for… not answers but simply encouragement to be our authentic selves, especially when it goes against most of the societal grain and measurements of success. But bigger than that, I learned how to create practical and sustainable habits that taught me to be my own cheerleader, stand strong in my own corner, and the real me simply learned to talk to myself in the foreign language of physicality. All because he spoke to me in my language, from my perspective, from the place I was at the time, and didn’t try to “teach” me physicality. He simply encouraged me to create new habits that fit me! A priceless gift from an extremely wise man.
LEAD WITH YOUR HEART
My new physicality journey is exciting and energizing, and sometimes I catch myself having to rein in that exciting energy. When we first moved, I pushed myself within that excitement and energy, one last time. Near my new home, their is a wilderness park with hiking trails. I set the goal in June to make it to the top by the time Princess V started school. There are benches at key points of the hiking trail, and I made tiny, tiny goals to progressively make it to the top. I made it to the top in 3 weeks.
At the same time, I discovered a tiny yoga studio about a block down the road. A traditional studio that shared more eastern technique than modernized gym techniques. I felt like I was in heaven. Nature surrounded me. The hiking, the yoga, and my own new backyard.
But that excitement lead me back into the fancy boot again. Same foot, different ailment. This time my ankle. I was sidelined for another 3 weeks.
I was thrown into learning the art of “habit stacking” and #wycwyc and just 15 minutes. I am learning to breathe with movement. Under all the guise of self, (yep there’s my word of the year) it is teaching me self-respect for all of the tiny things that make up who I am. All of that has slowed me down considerably, but shows me my intuitive path more brightly.
Over the years, the original logo design for Big Girl Bombshell got lost in translation of trying to “fit in” to the “right” niche, the” right” brand, the right process of being part of a particular blogging community, trying to earn money and prizes (free stuff) to support my “habit” of trying to find the answers. I could comprehend the physicality language but it stopped at that, along the way. That “lost” feeling, I have learned, came from my disconnection of myself. I was learning languages of multiple physicality verbiage, that yes, I could understand, but it wasn’t until I stepped back, slowed down, got connected back to nature, began to cheer myself on and honor the daily tiny steps, that built “respect” of myself, that the language of physicality went to my heart.
In yoga, they say “Lead with your heart” Great lesson. Rather than follow your heart, lead with your heart. It makes it a habit that you can sustain for a lifetime. And if those that are still watching the scale, without trying, with my bouts with the boot, my tiny, tiny habit stacking and yoga once a week, I am more active in my movements, more connected and I dropped 13 lbs! Amazing… I think I will stick with this plan for awhile.